26. Tips From Wives Like You

The following are tips collected from wives across the globe:

 

Children & Married life

“Establish order, routine, and schedule in the house with children. Teach kids from small that daddy comes first.”

“It’s all too easy for the husbands’ preferences to take a backseat when the kids come only because kids are so much more vocal about expressing their physical or emotional needs.

  • Always serve the husband dinner before you serve the kids (unless your intention is to attend to them first in order to spend time with your husband in peace)
  • Ask him what he would like to eat and prioritize it while meal planning
  • Never allow the kids to interrupt when you are your husband are conversing
  • Plan a weekly/monthly outing without the kids
  • Getting the kids out of the family bed (i.e. kids do not sleep with husband and wife)”

“We make daddy clearly the head of the house hold with the most authority and direction so I reinforce his status as wife and mother which helps the overall balance. You have to put your foot down with the kid sometimes especially at bed time or else you would never get any free time with husband. Or for example, when daddy is speaking all kids have to be quiet; I reinforce this with the kids unless it is a fun / playful time together.”

“I try and give time to the children when my husband is not home. But as soon as he comes home, they see that he is number one.”

“After maghrib/isha is time for kids to wind down and get ready for bed. So this is definitely time for husband. During dinner is time to connect with everyone.”

“We spend time together after kids go to bed where we have dinner or tea and catch up. Alhamdulillah we do this every day almost.”

“Keep the burden of childcare and the physical needs of children away from the husband so he can enjoy them more.”

 

Finances

“Don’t expect the financial level to be the same as your father. Your father worked a whole lifetime for the fancy house and comfortable lifestyle you have. He may have given you a lot of freedom and money to spend. Yet, your husband is young, and things will have to start simple. Don’t imagine that he will give you a spending allowance to decorate your house like a Pottery Barn magazine. Be grateful and learn how to make simple cozy. After all, it is your good attitude and effort that will make the home cozy and romantic, not the designer furniture.”

 

In-Laws

“Never get in between husband and his family. Support him in the relationship with them. Keep a consistent relationship going between kids and in-laws.”

“Help them with housework when you visit, respect them in word and action. Treat them like my own parents. Tip: many women seem to have trouble with their mother in laws; but if one realizes that she is the one who raised/ cared for/ and nurtured their husband so he became the man he is one would feel gratitude for them (especially if they have children- because one would know how much effort, time and patience goes into raising children).”

“My mother-in-law is my main in-law. I spend a lot of time with her and she is non-Muslim. I try to accommodate her and respect her wishes and do little things for her and compliment her. Try to be as affable as possible. MashaAllah we get on really well.”

“I attribute all of my getting along with my in-laws to distance and knowing when to “shut up” and smile as opposed to fighting.”

“I treat them as I would treat my own parents. My parents are good examples for me in this respect.”

“Keep in touch with them even when your husband does not find the time.”

“I tell my mother-in-law that my husband and marriage is so great because of her. I tell her that she raised my husband so well! I also compliment her – her cooking, dress, and ideas. I listen to her when she talks about all her stresses but I don’t offer suggestions. I just give her a hug or hold her hand or nod. I tell her she’s an amazing mother-in-law and I am lucky to have her.”