You have probably heard of the ‘newlywed stage’ or what we refer to as the ‘newlywed spell’. It is that time when the relationship is fueled by the ‘new high’ that the initial phases of love bring. Demonstrating kindness, showing affection, and being eager to please one’s spouse is not only simple – it feels almost effortless.
Many newlyweds are unfortunately fooled into believing that ‘the spell’ is true love and how everyday marriage will always be. They are ecstatic with their newfound treasure, and they think that they hit the jackpot by finally accepting to marry someone.
However, the thrill of ‘the spell’ eventually starts to wear away. Some relationship experts say that the newlywed period lasts a minimum of six months and up to a maximum of three years. Yet, we have met wives whose newlywed stages were much shorter-lived than half a year.
Despite what others may tell you, the truth is that these in-love feelings do not have to die or completely disappear. There is a way for this newborn union to blossom into something more substantial, and it entails nurturing it with the right moves from the start. When you are aware of what a meaningful relationship needs, you can cultivate it, make it grow, and benefit from its fruits.
Due to not being taught certain Islamic etiquette and a lack of certain social skills, many men and women who marry are not properly equipped with the knowledge of how to build and maintain a good marriage. They may even justify their ignorance by claiming that they are ‘different’ and will magically not make the same mistakes as others.
Some newlyweds half-heartedly listen to any advice, despite its tremendous value. They’re so busy being wrapped up in the high of feeling in love, banking on the temporary newlywed excitement, and planning their one-day wedding event that they do not take the proper steps towards learning how to be good spouses to each other over the course of a lifetime.
However, as life continues and couples encounter different challenges together – such as having children, job promotions or losses, and in-law pressures – their marriage will be tested, and in ways that the two probably never imagined.
Some newlyweds are devastated by their spouse’s actions – or inaction – to the problems that they face together. They may have expected a different behavior based on their own interpretation of who they believed their spouse to be or what they feel is the right thing to do. This disappointment can harmfully chip away at the marital bond over time.
Even more so, many Muslim women are shocked at how different their husbands are in comparison to themselves – the way he reacts, his needs, and his way of dealing with problems. Men are fundamentally different from women in various ways, and this difference is to the advantage of every believer if it is appreciated and understood.
Sadly, many of our sisters are plagued with feminism to a degree that bad thoughts about men and traditional roles are second nature to them; they cannot identify them, nor can they dispel their impact on how they interpret their reality. What we have seen is that the root of many arguments and fights in marriages today are misunderstandings about the way men truly are and how to deal with them.
If you desire for your relationship to mature into a prosperous and blissful marriage, then:
- Utilize this fun phase for the sake of the long-term. Use it as a time to strengthen each other’s physical attraction, build a solid emotional connection, and create happy memories that you can both fall back on during the hard times.
- Form healthy habits in your relationship and maintain them. Practice being patient, kind, and caring towards each other. The work is easier when your slate is clean and it becomes much harder when anger breeds grudges, resentment, and false assumptions.
- Learn the tricks of the trade. Discover how to win your husband’s heart by reading our advice for newlywed wives. Return to it periodically in order to remind yourself of what a true Muslim wife must be for the sake of her Creator.
Definitely, the more knowledge you have about what love entails, the more likely your marriage will prosper…