The Prophet ﷺ said, “Marry the woman who is loving and fertile…” (Abu Dawud)
The words that you use daily with your husband will cultivate a certain type of culture within your relationship. When you water your marriage with unbound criticism, contempt, and control, weeds will quickly grow over and cover the open plain of your hearts.
Yet, when you nurture your marital seed with loving words, encouragement, and praise, a beautiful rose bush will burst forth over the years of being together inshaAllah. Kindness is catching. If you encourage your husband to be his best, he will be, and not only that, it will bring out the best in you too inshaAllah.
Men are also big copycats in intimate relationships. Your husband will follow your lead and more than you may expect. So, be mindful of the communication habits that you form with each other. Indeed, you teach him how to treat you by the way that you treat him.
Honestly speaking, women are at a stronger advantage than men in dropping love lines since they are naturally skilled in the areas of relationships, emotions, and intimacy. Women possess the charm to lighten up the room with their laughter, and women can easily captivate their husbands with their sweet talk and praise.
Not to mention, unlike what many women assume, men need plenty of encouragement and praise in order to keep moving in life. The Prophet ﷺ said, “A kind word is charity.” This means that a kind word is an akhira investment; it is a way to one’s Lord and a means to enter Paradise. If a wife wants her marriage to blossom with love, then she needs to be generous and give as much sadaqa as she can. Start giving unconditional love to your husband with these phrases inshaAllah.
A+ Strategy: Admiration
Men thrive off of a woman’s praise and acknowledgment of their unique physical attributes, noble character traits, and trustworthy moral values. Moreover, a wife’s internal admiration for her husband is what motivates her to show him consistent respect, which is the number one thing that men need in a romantic relationship. When a wife respects her husband, he naturally responds with more confidence in himself and gratitude for his wife. He cherishes her presence and feels at peace with his life.
How-To Score: Compliment your husband’s body, intelligence, and character whenever you can in a way that warms his heart. Inform him about what separates him from everyone else.
Let him know that you think highly of him and believe in him. It increases his love for you. Make sure to show him your approval after he fixes something or accomplishes a goal. Be his cheerleader when he needs emotional support and feels stressed out. Avoid lecturing or ‘helpful’ suggestions that reject his competency and manhood.
- You are so…(intelligent, good-looking, muscular, dedicated, determined, etc)
- I know you can do it. I believe in you.
- Good job! Fantastic! You’re a winner!
A+ Strategy: Affirmation
Underneath the macho man layers of every husband is a deep fear that he may not be capable enough to live up to what it takes to be a great lover, father, or friend. Every husband wants his wife to be proud of him, to see him as her hero, and to be the only man whom she can really depend upon in her life.
Because men crave to be winners and avoid failure at all costs, a wife can easily use this hidden insecurity to her advantage by offering her husband positive reinforcement and encouragement, as opposed to her criticism, correction, and complaints. Men quickly fall in love with any woman who believes in them, cheers them on, and trusts their judgment.
A woman’s reassurance and support makes a world of difference to a man, and in turn, he will strive to be the best husband and father that he can possibly be in all aspects of his life inshaAllah.
How-To Score: Drop love lines to your husband on a daily basis so that he knows how much you believe in him and trust him.
A man does not offer his care and protection unless a woman appears to need it. Inspire him to help you by stating your need with the power of ‘I.’ Using the word ‘you’ when requesting something can often come across as a command or criticism.
Try these simple statements:
- I can’t. It’s too heavy for me to lift. I need help.
- I want to go to the park today. It would make me really happy.
- I would love to spend Friday afternoon together. It would make my day.
- I need your advice. I can’t seem to figure out what’s best.
- I hope we can still get alone time together. It’s so important to me and it’s the best part of my evening.
A+ Strategy: Appreciation
When men believe that they can make a positive difference in someone’s life, they are instinctively driven to give more in order to re-experience the goodness felt from the act of accomplishing. Showing appreciation towards your husband alerts him that you actively notice the good that he does and you are grateful for his contributions. Appreciation is a must for any harmonious marriage; it fuels a man to continue to act in your interest and it makes you remember why you are staying married to your husband inshaAllah.
How-To Score: Frequently remember the blessings that your husband brings to your life and sincerely express your gratitude to him with sweet words.
A simple thank you goes a long way. Men need a lot of appreciation and gratitude. For every ‘take,’ gift him back with an enthusiastic thank you – no matter how small the act. The more powerful the appreciation, the more tenderness it brings to the marriage.
Here are a few examples:
- Thank you so much for __________! I feel so blessed to have you in my life.
- Thank you so much for working so hard to take care of us.
- Thank you for all the time that you give to me and the kids. We love you.
- Awww…thank you. You’re the best. What would I do without you?
Remember that men will not respond the way that women do to such comments. He will most likely brush your comments aside, claim that it was ‘not a big deal,’ or put his head down. He will not run into your arms nor say ‘thank you for all that you do too.’ It is better to not expect anything in return for what you say or do in your marriage; expectations sour any relationship. Rather, give from your heart and inshaAllah Allah will give you more than you ever imagined.
If you do receive a response, it will most likely be in the form of a physical action. Note any differences in his behavior towards you or in the house. Is he more happy and easygoing? Also be on the lookout for acts of kindness that he may randomly show, like buying gifts, fixing something that’s been on your to-do list for weeks, filling up the petrol, or spending more time with the children. Now, thank him for it. It’s a continuous, blissful cycle, alhamduliLlah.
Top Ten Phrases To Say To Your Hubby
- Allah gave me everything when He married me to you. So many blessings have come into my life from just being with you alhamduliLlah.
- I need you in my life. You help me to be the best Muslim that I can be.
- Thank you for everything that you do for me. It makes me feel very special.
- I am so happy to be your wife.
- You’re my best friend!
- I’m your biggest fan.
- I know that I can count on you. I trust whatever you decide.
- I admire how (supportive, responsible, patient, etc) you are; that’s why I love you.
- That makes sense! Great idea!
- I am so proud of you.
And looking pretty while saying these phrases adds to the spice…