Top 10 Tips for Initiating With Your Husband
by Sheila Gregoire
Out of the last five times you’ve made love, how many have you initiated, and how many has your husband initiated? If you say he’s initiated all 5, that could be a problem!
When I was researching my book The Good Girl’s Guide to Great Sex, I did surveys and interviewed both men and women. And here’s what one guy said about initiating sex:
Men don’t want to be placated; they want to be wanted.
Paul Byerly, who writes at the Generous Husband, puts it this way:
For men sex communicates love and acceptance, while a lack of sex communicates the opposite. I realise this is not usually what women are communicating with sex and saying no, but it is what men feel. Even when you convince a man this is not what she means, he will still feel it. When a man feels a good sexual connection with his wife he starts to want other forms of intimacy. Not tolerate, want. The need was always there, but it is hard to hear over the much louder need for sexual intimacy.
So, ladies, it’s time to step up to the plate! But how do you initiate sex?
Today, on Top 10 Tuesday, I’d like to share 10 tips on how to initiate sex with your husband–and help your husband feel like the most blessed man in the world!
1. DO Show Enthusiasm
Initiating sex requires enthusiasm. The following do NOT count as initiating sex:
- (Lying in bed, arms crossed. Turning head towards him). We can if you wanna.
- (Standing at the bottom of the stairs, heading up to bed). I’m heading to bed. If you come up within the next 10 minutes we may still have time, I guess.
- (Lying in bed, arms crossed). So…I guess we’re due, eh? (Sorry, that’s the Canadian coming out in me in the last one).
If you’re going to initiate, the first step is NOT telling him “do you wanna?” The first step is getting in the right frame of mind for sex so that you’re enthusiastic about it, too!
2. DON’T Overthink It
Why don’t we initiate sex? Because often as soon as the thought pops into our heads we talk ourselves out of it.
Do I want to tonight? Well, I don’t know. It is kind of late, and I do need my sleep. And he wasn’t very nice to me tonight. He hardly hugged me when he came home from work. I just feel so distant right now. I can’t make love if we’re distant, can I? Wouldn’t that be deceptive? And what if the kids wake up? And what if….
Turn it off! Seriously. When you get the thought, pounce on it (and pounce on HIM, too!)
3. DON’T Be Embarrassed
“Good girls don’t like sex.”
Did you grow up thinking that? If you grew up thinking that only boys wanted sex, and girls just acquiesced, then you may think that it’s your role to sit back and just respond to him. Anything else somehow upsets the apple cart.
But good girls DO want sex! God gave us sex drives, too. And inside marriage sex is supposed to be a wonderful thing for both of you!
Think about it this way: This is the only man on earth who can touch you like that. He’s the only man on earth who really truly knows you. You don’t need to be embarrassed around him.
I know that can be a hard transition to make. But practice little things, like saying to him the morning after you made love, “I had fun last night”, or “you made me feel great!” Practice talking about it afterwards, and it makes it easier to talk about it beforehand!
Read all ten tips here.