We’ve all heard the popular idiom that the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach. Now, while we’re not denying that this may contain an element of truth to it, it’s definitely not the complete picture of what it takes to fully win a man’s heart. Yet, what catchy phrases like this do demonstrate is that men are easy to please – and maybe a lot easier than we’re fooled to think.
How many a wife wonders what it takes to make her husband happy – frustrated at her failed attempts and on the brink of giving up – and little does she know that the answers are right within her reach. It doesn’t take rocket science to make a relationship with a man work, but it does necessitate that one is willing to give a man what he specifically needs in order to feel loved, even though it may seem different from one’s own needs.
We often notice in our coaching sessions that many wives believe that they are sincerely trying to make their marriages work and deem that they are sacrificing themselves in some way for the sake of their husbands. When their husbands do not reciprocate or respond in a positive manner, these wives become dismayed and assert that it is IMPOSSIBLE to please the man that they’ve chosen to be with for the rest of their lives. They eventually lose hope and label their marriages as miserably doomed – creating a sad ending to a short-lived fairytale.
The truth is that all marriages require consistent full-time work. Similar to our faith, love entails constant devotion. Just like we cannot pray five times a day for ONE day and then tell ourselves that we’ve fulfilled the pillar of prayer, we cannot dedicate our effort in some areas of our relationship but turn our attention away from other aspects of it, especially if they are considered important areas to our husbands.
Forming a successful marriage is a lifelong journey that we must travel until we take our last breath inshaAllah. It’s at least half a century of worshipping Allah Most High through carrying out our obligations and duties as wives. However, it’s not an entirely gloomy ride. Despite there being no fairy godmothers and pixy dust to remove the bumps along the way (see Part 1), there are full-proof strategies that produce promising results when practiced on a daily basis, which eventually lead to the wifey work becoming easier and even enjoyable inshaAllah.
In Part 2 of our series, we shared which actions wives may engage in that hurt their husbands in an effort to help wives stay clear from falling into these disaster scenarios. In this post, we want to shift our focus and share which actions are proven to gain a husband’s love.
The Prophet ﷺ said, “Any woman who dies while her husband is pleased with her will enter Paradise.” (Tirmidhi)
Without question, it is definitely worth the try to capture our husband’s hearts. Having a good marriage betters our spiritual, emotional, mental, and physical well-being, whereas staying in a struggling marriage does the absolute opposite – quite frankly, it destroys us, our husbands, and our children.
So what’s the secret? It’s very simple. All a wife needs to do is understand what it takes to earn points with her man, and then push her husband’s love buttons every day. Through our coaching, training, and research, we’ve unraveled the mystery of how to get through to a man’s heart and organized it into a five point system. InshaAllah a wife is sure to score big and ace the love test with her husband by using the A+ strategies from the TayyibaatWives’ Master Love Plan.
Part 3: Five Ways To Score Big With Your Husband
A+ Strategy: Affirmation
Underneath the macho man layers of every husband is a deep fear that he may not be capable enough to live up to what it takes to be a great lover, father, or friend. Every husband wants his wife to be proud of him, to see him as her hero, and to be the only man whom she can really depend upon in her life. Because men crave to be winners and avoid failure at all costs, a wife can easily use this hidden insecurity to her advantage by offering her husband positive reinforcement and encouragement, as opposed to her criticism, correction, and complaints. Men quickly fall in love with any woman who believes in them, cheers them on, and trusts their judgment. A woman’s reassurance and support makes a world of difference to a man, and in turn, he will strive to be the best husband and father that he can possibly be in all aspects of his life inshaAllah.
How to Score: Drop at least one of the following love lines to your husband on a daily basis to give your husband the impression that you believe in him and trust him.
- That’s a good idea.
- That makes sense.
- I know you can do it.
- I believe in you.
- I’m your biggest fan.
- You’re a great father.
(Note: Avoid killing the mood by adding ‘but’ statements, like “I know you can do it but it would probably be better to do it this way.”)
A+ Strategy: Appreciation
When men believe that they can make a positive difference in someone’s life, they are instinctively driven to give more in order to re-experience the goodness felt from the act of accomplishing. Showing appreciation towards our husbands alerts them that we actively notice the good that they do and we are grateful for their contributions. Appreciation is a must for any harmonious marriage; it fuels a man to continue to act in our interest and it makes us remember why we are staying married to our husband.
How to Score: Frequently remember the blessings that your husband brings to your life and sincerely express your gratitude to him.
- Verbally thank your husband at least three times a day. (Men are very easy – you can thank your husband for the same three things for a year and he will be so happy to hear it each time inshaAllah.)
- Keep a journal of all the acts of kindness that your husband does for you and your children – no matter how big or small. Review your gratitude journal at least once a week.
- Give back with acts of kindness to your husband at least once a day.
A+ Strategy: Admiration
Men thrive off of a woman’s praise and acknowledgment of their unique physical attributes, noble character traits, and trustworthy moral values. Moreover, a wife’s internal admiration for her husband is what motivates her to show him consistent respect, which is the number one thing that men need in a romantic relationship. When a wife respects her husband, he naturally responds with more confidence in himself and gratitude for his wife. He cherishes her presence and feels at peace with his life.
How to Score: Compliment your husband whenever you can in a way that warms his heart. Inform him about what separates him from everyone else.
- Openly comment on a quality that you admire about your husband, like his intelligence, integrity, honesty, spiritual vigor, or toned muscles (no eye-rolling please). Use phrases like: “I feel so blessed to have a husband that is ____________. It makes me feel _____________.”
- Congratulate your husband when he achieves and accomplishes anything, like earning a raise, getting a job promotion, winning academic awards, or completing a long-sought goal. One of the best phrases to say is: “I am so proud of you.”
- Say nice things about him in front of your family and his mother. Word will reach him inshaAllah.
A+ Strategy: Attention
For a man to be deeply attracted to you – emotionally, physically, mentally and spiritually — he needs to feel good about you. A man feels good about you when you spend time with him and he sees you smiling. Men are captivated by a woman’s upbeat nature and happiness. All men want a woman who has the capacity to be optimistic, easygoing, fun, and enjoy a little bit of life. When a husband sees that his wife is happy, he takes credit for her happiness and instinctively feels closer to her. It also helps him to forget about his own mountain of stresses and worries that he may not be openly conveying at the time. When he sees his wife by side and she is smiling, having fun, and being happy, a man will naturally feel loved and at ease.
How to Score: Show your husband that his companionship makes you happy by acting like your normal, cheerful self.
- Get your daily self-care. (Read this post for more details.)
- Greet your husband when he returns from home. Drop whatever you’re doing and meet him at the door with a big smile. (Wives who put in this effort soon notice that their husbands do the same for them when they return home.)
- Share the positive parts of your world with your husband. Talk to him about the happy moments during your day, what you achieved, and what you are passionate about. (Most men will merely listen and not comment much, but they adore hearing our small talk.) Make sure to affirm this good behavior by telling him afterwards how you appreciated him listening to you and enjoyed his company.
(Note: If your husband won’t give you the time of day, try telling him that you miss him and would love to spend a few minutes alone together.)
A+ Strategy: Affection
Draw in your husband like a magnet with your feminine charm. Men have a strong desire to feel ‘wanted’ by a woman. The best way is through physical touch. Touching makes a man feel emotionally fulfilled, satisfied, and valued. Whether in the form of hugs, kisses, hand-holding, massages, or marital relations, touching gifts a husband with the emotional validation that somebody special deems him worthy, wants him, and needs him. When a wife recognizes the importance of her touch and strives to do it, even when she could care less, her husband will be compelled to always take care of her, yearn to keep her friendship, and think of all the ways that he can please her, cherish her, and adore her inshaAllah.
How to Score: Unleash the power of your feminine charm.
- Hug your husband at least three times a day, preferably once in the morning, once when he returns home, and once before going to bed.
- Flirt whenever you can. (Need ideas? Click here.)
- Make marital relations a priority. Deem it as your holy duty.
(Note: Don’t allow your children to impact your bedroom life! Read this article for tips on how to keep your flame alive even with kids.)
In conclusion, good Islamic marriages give a woman everything that she wants from life: spiritual tranquility, emotional comfort, mental clarity, friendship, love, prosperous children, and so much more. Wives have the capabilities to be triumphant winners in their marriages. Don’t carry your mistakes around with you and allow them to block your aim. Instead, place them under your feet and use them as stepping stones to rise above. So, huddle up, rethink your strategy, get back into the game, and score!
Where’s My Happily Ever After? (5 Part Series)
Part 1: Five Married Life Fairytales Transformed Into Reality
Part 2: Five Marital Sagas That Hurt Husbands
Part 3: Five Ways To Score BIG With Your Husband
Part 4: Five Exchanges That Inspire Him To Rescue
Part 5: Five Moves That Stop Escalating Conflict
© TayyibaatWives, 2017.